Should we buy expensive presents from Father Christmas?
Each family that celebrates Christmas has their own tradition when it comes to presents from Father Christmas. When I had my first child, I chatted with my husband about his family tradition, which was pretty similar to my own (with the very important addition of stockings) and on we went with what we knew and felt comfortable with. Oh how naïve were we! I didn’t appreciate at the time how emotive this choice would become when debated in the arena of primary school, playground politics. In both of our families our eldest child is also the first grandchild, so we hadn’t watched other close family navigate this.
Turns out there are so many different variations. All presents from Santa, stocking from Santa and other presents from family members, main present from Santa and smaller presents from parents. I can see the logic in all of these choices.
For us our daughter’s stocking and other presents bought by us were all from Father Christmas, whilst gifts from other family members were given directly from them. It didn’t occur to me that this would be a flawed plan at all (and perhaps it’s absolutely fine) but of all of the reasons to do it differently, two key points are standing out at the moment.
The first reared it’s head when my daughter asked why she doesn’t get anything from us. Now, I really don’t mind Father Christmas getting all the credit (he works very hard after all!). Trouble was she seemed to feel aggrieved that we gave gifts to nieces and nephews and not to her. Of course, we talked a lot about the joy of giving and the real meaning of Christmas, but she was still utterly confused.
The second key problem is the comparison children begin to make between their own gifts and their friends’. It is pretty tricky to explain why Betty in her class got a shiny new bike and an iPad. The usual conversations about the value of money and how hard parents work to provide for their kids are not going to work when she thinks Santa is getting the presents! Even if he is on a tight budget surely that applies to all kids? Does he like some kids more than others? Are there priority places on the ‘good list’. Rats!!! Plus when she asked for a mobile phone and I said she was too young (she is 5 for Pete’s sake!!) and that Santa ‘doesn’t do tech’ she reliably informed me that so-and-so in the year above got one from Santa last year. So she MUST be old enough and he MUST do techie presents. Nevermind the whole ‘she got 24367 presents and I only got 3!’.
For me Father Christmas is fun tradition and I don’t really want to make it into something political or tricky at all. Nothing magical about that is there? That being said there are important lessons I want my daughter to learn and if I had thought it through a little more carefully those lessons would have been easier to chat about each year.
I would like her to learn that :
Generosity is a beautiful thing. The joy of giving is real, not only when it comes to material gifts but also in devoting our time and talents to acts of kindness.
People work hard and make sacrifices to provide for (and occasionally treat) their children.
Unfortunately, not everyone is able to comfortably afford the things they would like their children to have.
Each parent decides for themselves what age certain toys, devices, games and clothes are appropriate. (And mine repeatedly telling me another child’s parent thinks their child is ready for something, isn’t going to change my mind about what I think is the right time for her)
We need to be grateful for all that we have, the people, opportunities and comforts in our lives. None of this is a given.
As with all parents, I am still learning and navigating my own way through trying to be a good parent. Do go ahead and introduce whatever family traditions you like and do them exactly how you want. I don’t want to tell you how to celebrate. I only want to encourage you all to check that what you choose serves you well. And if you find yourself taking a small misstep – it’s totally ok to change things as you need to!
PS. Christmas as a parent is a lot of hard work and preparation but is totally worth it (at least in my opinion!)
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