Are we waiting for long enough to allow our children to engage?
The magic happens in the pause
Communication is a two-way exchange, back and forth. When chatting with adults we are better at giving each other a little space to speak (unless in the full flow of an argument or exciting tale). With young children we have a tendency to fill all of the communication time, when really we are aiming for 50/ 50. The grown up speaks or leads for half of the time and the child can respond or take the lead for the other half.
When interacting with a young child the magic happens when we pause and wait for them… and when you think you have waited, wait a little longer! Whilst language skills are still developing it can take up to 10 seconds for a child to process what we have said and then respond. Too often we pause for a short time and then fill the silence or move on to the next thing.
This has been illustrated for me so beautifully when my youngest daughter was 11 months old. If someone waved or said hello/goodbye to her she would respond. Unfortunately, this took her quite a long time, so she regularly found herself waving at the back of someone as they were walking away. When someone waited long enough, she was so thrilled by the positive reaction that she got from them and it encouraged her to try again next time.
Success takes time and we need to make sure we are giving enough time to allow that success to happen. I have attended a lot of lovely parent and child groups, with wonderful songs, games and sensory objects to explore. However, the sessions whizzed past my little one far too quickly. She hasn’t got long enough to process what is happening so can appear quite passive. I sometimes feel like the class has happened to her, rather than that she has been an active participant.
When we are singing nursery rhymes at home she engages so much more when I slow things right down. Lots of pauses at the point where there are some nice sounds or actions to copy works a treat for us. And when I say pause, really stretch it out and show your child that you are engaged with them by giving them good eye contact and encouraging facial expressions.
The same has been true of opening presents at Christmas. People were keen to jump in and open them for her, but when we gave her long enough (and a bit of help with tricky parts) she was able to tear the paper to reveal what was inside.
Breathe, give them a moment. Sometimes less really is more. A few successful interactions are more impactful for learning than constant stimulation.
Top tips:
Pause wherever possible to wait for a response. That response might be a gesture or a smile, praise all of the attempts the child makes to engage
When a child is enjoying something you are doing (blowing bubbles, making a noise on an instrument, rolling a ball) from time to time stop and wait for them to prompt you to do it again (give you eye contact, points back to the bubble pot, makes a noise). This is how early requesting starts. The child begins to understand that if they ask for something you will respond, and they see that communication has power.
Model what you would like a child to do (e.g., tearing paper, rolling a ball) and give them a lot of time to try to have a go themselves
Leave gaps in your ‘chat’ so that your little one has a chance to try out their talking too.
For more tips and tools for supporting early development join the Confident Communicators Facebook group.