Finding balance as parents of children with SEN
The latest episode of Raising Confident Kids with SEN, was an emotional roller-coaster filled with wisdom, real-life experiences, and heartfelt discussions. Here are the key takeaways from my enriching conversation with special guests Lauren Fenton and Rina Teslica, hosts of the podcast F**king Normal and both mums of daughters with disabilities.
The struggle to separate roles
Lauren opened up about the emotional struggle she's faced in separating her role as a parent from the guilt and self-criticism over her child’s struggles. She emphasised the power of self-compassion and the importance of finding a balance. As parents, we often shoulder a heavy burden, feeling responsible for every challenge our children face. Lauren's advice? Take a step back, breathe, and understand that self-care is not just a luxury - it's a necessity.
The power of outside support
There are unique challenges of being both a parent and a teacher, especially during the homeschooling phases brought about by the pandemic. Combining these roles can be overwhelming, and I confess to the difficulty I've faced in advocating for my daughter due to my professional knowledge. But bringing in a third party for support, can often provide the extra emotional and practical assistance needed.
The importance of community
One of the standout moments in this episode was when Rina talked about the grieving process, denial, and loneliness that can be experienced by parents of children with special educational needs (SEN). Finding common ground with parents of typical children can be challenging, often leading to challenges in relationships and friendships. Support groups, through WhatsApp for example, have been a lifesaver for many parents, including Lauren and Rina. They offer a space to celebrate victories, share tips, vent frustrations, and provide emotional support. A community's understanding and acknowledgement of unique victories can mean the world.
The overwhelming mental load
Being a parent of an SEN child comes with an amplified mental load. From arranging hospital appointments to managing multiple school locations, the admin work can be exhausting. Rina opened up about the multiple aspects of care needed at home - being a therapist, a teacher, and a caregiver all at once. Lauren emphasised the repetitive nature of recounting their child’s story during various appointments, highlighting a system that often lacks coordination.
Celebrating small wins
There are personal stories of triumph and humour that, while may seem small to others, are monumental for parents of SEN children. I reminisced about her daughter’s obsession with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer for almost a year, reminding us of the beauty in these unique quirks. Lauren shared how a methodical plan helped her son overcome his fear of the school pool, leading to a celebratory moment when he finally jumped into the water and received a certificate.
Balancing personal time and self-care
There are many sacrifices that SEN parents make, so I cannot stress enough the importance of finding time for self-care - not only for our own benefit, but for our children too. This episode is a testament to the resilience, strength, and determination of SEN parents. It's a reminder that while the journey can be fraught with challenges, embracing self-compassion, leveraging community support, and celebrating victories, big and small, can make all the difference.