Starting school

On the other side of the classroom door: transition from teacher to parent

I have been teaching in primary schools for 13 years and have seen hundreds of Reception children into their first year of school. When my daughter started school this year, I experienced the transition process from a parent’s perspective.

As an experienced teacher and school governor I have attended many parent’s evenings, given tours, attended home visits and supported teachers in preparing for their new intakes. However, experiencing this as a parent feels totally different. Familiarity with the format and the professional jargon is probably helpful in understanding what is going on but did not prepare me for the emotional rollercoaster that comes when your first child starts school.

Here are a few things I discovered on the transition into school…

Choosing a School can feel daunting

For many parents viewing schools for their child can be a little daunting. The sudden realisation that their precious little person will not be so little anymore. The loss of control that comes when you can no longer decide where and how your child will spend their time, term time holidays and trips to theme parks to avoid the weekend crush are no longer an option. For some parents this is the first time they may have stepped foot into a school since they were children themselves and this does not always evoke positive memories. I once had a parent jokingly tell me that he didn’t see much point in visiting primary schools ahead of his daughter’s reception year, ‘They are all pretty much the same, except for maybe the colour of the paint on the walls!’

My husband and I decided we would visit our local schools together, we limited our choices to the 3 that we felt would logistically work for us. After each visit I encouraged my husband to give his opinion first, as a non-teacher his perspective was purely that of a parent rather than that of an educator. It was amazing how different the things we noticed were. Hubby liked good facilities, outdoor play spaces, he wanted to a place that was homely and fun. I on the other hand could not turn my inner teacher voice off and carefully scrutinised the way the staff interacted with the children, the quality of the children’s written work and the behaviour of the children. I was very keen to see the school in action and did not find visiting empty school halls or vacant classrooms helpful.

Despite all of my prior knowledge, I still found making a final decision and submitting the application forms difficult. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make the ‘right’ decision, trying to guess what will suit your child in 4 or 5 years time was harder work than I had anticipated.

The End of the Pre-School Era

Much as I convinced myself that my child was ready to leave pre school and that there was nothing to be upset about, I still cried after I dropping my daughter off on one of her final days. She on the other hand, was so excited about going to ‘big school’ and seemed to leave without a backward glance.

(Side note: The summer holiday lasts FOREVER. As a teacher the summer holiday time flies by and it’s never long enough. Oh how different the long holiday feels as a parent. 6 weeks is a long time to fill!).

Halfway through the holiday the realisation that pre school was over hit my daughter like a bolt of lightning. Her Grandad gave her a little toy when he visited and it dawned on her that she would not be able to take the toy to ‘Show and Tell’ with her beloved key worker. In fact, there would be no ‘Show and Tell’ at all! She was devastated.

I hadn’t seen this wobble coming, on the surface she had seemed so confident about starting school, but this didn’t tell the whole story.

The Home Visit

As a professional I have been on many home visits, they are a valuable opportunity to spend a bit of time building a relationship with a child in the place they are likely to be most comfortable. A great little peak into their world. I discovered that when the shoe was on the other foot, ideally no one would peak into my little world at all! A series of niggly worries took over - Would the house be clean and tidy enough? Are there enough educational looking toys casually laying around? Should I rush out and buy a new reed diffuser? Would my child behave?

I needed have worried the visit was quick and fairly painless. Keeping my child calm afterwards turned out to be my biggest challenge, she was terribly overexcited.

The First Few Days

Such pride filled my heart taking doorstep photos of our excited child in her oversized uniform on the first day. I learnt a few interesting lessons in those early days. The level of exhaustion experienced by a tiny person starting school is second to none. They are starving when they get home! Snacks didn’t cut it and for a few weeks dinner had to be eaten at 4.30pm. Even the most enthusiastic child will have days where they are not keen to go to school. The level of verbal communication with primary staff is dramatically less than with pre school staff. Kids really are expected to be incredibly independent and emotionally resilient at a very young age. Starting school is a time when a child needs a tremendous amount of nurturing, attention and time from their parents.

The experience of transition from the point of view of a parent has really encouraged me to reflect on my professional practice. Transition is an anxious time for families and children and I have challenged myself to think about what support families might need at this time. So there is lots of learning still ahead, as we develop ways together to navigate the choppy waters of the steps into school.

Subscribe to download our FREE Choosing a School Tool .

Use our tool to help you to:
* Identify what is going to be most important for your child at school
* Compare what schools are offering to help you to make a decision

To make an appointment to discuss choosing a school for your child email sarah@confidentkids.co

We can help you to:

- Create a list of exactly what you are looking for based on your own preferences and priorities as well as recommendations from professionals working with your child

- Identify which schools are likely to be most useful to visit

- Consider what questions to ask schools you visit

- Navigate the application processes